FRESH OFF THE (metaphorical) PRESSES: In response to baseless libel being spouted in the mainstream media, a lone, brave, extraordinarily wealthy soul speaks out on inequality, entitlement, and violent rejections.
My servant’s servant Siri has informed me of an article recently published in a local university newspaper that has been making its away around the techosphere (noun: “Latin: sphere of tech”). As I listened to her (it?) read aloud the contents of what weaker minds may deem “journalism”, I had half a mind to throw my breakfast of Kopi luwak and 4-dollar toast to the floor in a fit of blind rage. If not for the velvet seatbelt that restrained me to my Herman Miller Aeron chair, I might have ruined the Persian carpet covering the floor of the GoogleBus in which I was riding. I have decided to take a break from saving the world in order to publish this Medium post refuting the utter nonsense that this article has introduced to non-virtual reality.
Take, for example, the assertion that tech workers contribute to wealth inequality. While I am astounded that a member of the 99% was able to harness the mental faculties necessary to arrange such long words into something resembling a logical order, this “argument” is laughably untrue. Tech people are notoriously charitable and class-conscious. I would give a dollar to the hobo on the corner if I could, but I only carry card. Yet our malefactor of an “author” - in the incoherent ramblings that she would deign to call prose – would call this instance of almost-charitably a “violent rejection” of a vagrant who is evidently too backwards and homeless to own a smartphone or to operate a simple card reader.
When Facebook, Twitter, or [insert startup here] employees move into an area (fresh and invigorated from an IPO), wealth inequality in that neighborhood actually decreases. Tech workers displace people who cannot afford their apartments, and replacing those un-moneyed miscreants with high-earning tech workers lifts the average wealth of people in an area. If you were displaced by a tech worker moving into your former apartment, then it’s clear that you were too poor to deserve to live there in the first place. Soon, wealth inequality will all but disappear from some neighborhoods because they will be inhabited entirely by tech workers. People should not be decrying us noble techies. In fact, they should be thanking us for clearing their neighborhoods of the unwashed rabble.
This misconception becomes even more shocking when one considers the biased way that technical students are portrayed in this article: as blissfully ignorant, disheveled nerds being bred to become part of the Tech Elite (or as John proposed during our last meeting, the “Coderati”). Firstly, we are not disheveled. I wear designer jeans, for Google’s sake. And we in the tech industry do not harbour thinly-veiled contempt for those who do not work in our field. On the contrary, we have the utmost respect for non-technical people. It’s just that the things we work on actually matter. The characterization that CS majors are “doing it for the money” comes from those who are too stupid to study CS in the first place (though I admit the money is quite nice). Lastly, the idea that the Tech Elite can be bred is amusingly naïve. People are born as part of the Tech Elite. It is simply coincidence that most of us are born as white, upper-middle class males from elite colleges.
While I am astounded at the rhetorical diarrhea that spews forth from such a reputable publication as the Daily Cal, I have no enmity for the “author” of this utter balderdash. This article represents an utter mockery of quality journalism, but I am sure that the young lady who wrote this piece is quite talented at her job, and I will continue to be sure of this as I order my coffee from her in the future.
Light on the cream, please. And could I get some soymilk with that?
Sent from my iPhone
Steve Huckerberg III
In response to: http://www.dailycal.org/2014/02/07/breeding-tech-elite/